From early on, the Taylors were aware that Ben and Sarah required a lot of attention. "They were hyperactive," Linda remembers, "they had limited attention spans, and they repeated dangerous behaviour without understanding the consequences." In addition, Ben was prone to wandering. As a result,Linda and Rob were forced to lock his bedroom door at night so they'd know where he'd be in the morning. Well-meaning relatives suggested the kids needed a good spanking, but the Taylors suspected they needed more than strict discipline.

"Rob and I started reading about FAS/FAE when Ben was 4 1/2 and Sarah was 3," Linda said. "Our other kids were sometimes in danger because Ben and Sarah couldn't see how their own behaviour was sometimes dangerous to others. So Rob and I implemented a strict routine to help keep the children in line. They got up at 7:15, washed at 7:20, ate breakfast at 7:30, etc. But after some time it became clear that we needed outside help."

To their dismay, the Taylors discovered that once you adopt a child in Alberta, even if you later discover that the child has problems, you are solely responsible for that child financially. In contrast, if you opt to be a foster parent instead, funding is immediate and guaranteed. Linda and Rob find it both sad and ironic that, if they had fostered children with FAS/FAE instead of adopting, the family would have received much more support.

The Taylors also ran into funding difficulties with the school district in their small northeast community. "Ben and Sarah required extra supervision at school," Linda said, "but our plea for funding was denied because the district insisted that the children had everything they needed. The teachers and the school district knew nothing about FAS/FAE. We were the ones who had the difficult job of trying to educate the educators."

Eventually, the challenge to give Ben and Sarah the necessary structure at home proved overwhelming. The Taylors' other children felt neglected because so much attention went to Ben and Sarah, and the constant effort of disciplining became a strain on the entire family. Finally, in their early teens, Ben and Sarah received assessments that determined they needed extra help. Ben went into transition housing, and Sarah was moved into a group home. Each residence offered the required 24 hour supervision.

While the help has come too late for the Taylors and their children, Linda and Rob are nonetheless pleased that other families will receive much-needed support. As of last year, FAS/FAE is now recognized for funding in the schools.

Ben and Sarah are now in their twenties. They receive AISH funding,and they live independently. With the help of job coaches, both have learned responsible working skills and have been employed for some time.

When asked how important it was to have "labels" to put to their children's disabilities, the Taylors said it made a huge difference. "Many people think placing a label on a child produces negative effects, but if the child gets the necessary assistance," they argue, "then it can be so beneficial. "Also, they add, "It was a big help for us to know that we weren't just lousy parents."

Meeting the demands of children with FAS/FAE hasn't been easy, but the Taylors made one very fortunate decision early on: They chose to expect a lot from their kids. This expectation proved extremely helpful, for it challenged the children to meet their potential by believing they could accomplish things. Linda and Rob are quick to emphasize that there's a positive side to FAS/FAE kids if their potential is fostered. For instance, Ben is highly social and loves to meet people, and Sarah loves music and is a fabulous singer.

"If we don't advocate for them, who's going to?" their parents ask. "These kids can become something special in their own way. If we don'tbelieve in them, who will?"